your thong is hanging out like whoa
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
