I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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