Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize