I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
