the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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