when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
