last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize