i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize