Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
