you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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