Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
