You work out of a Hotel?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
