I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
