I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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