Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize