u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
