when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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