Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
