No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
