when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
