i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
