remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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