There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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