I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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