I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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