I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
