I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
