Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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