dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
