dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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