R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just pee around me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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