she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
