if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
