I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize