Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
