If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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