I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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