walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
