so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
