ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
