no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
