therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The best revenge is premature balding
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
