Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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