he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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