My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize