Your face is a jimmy john
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
40s are totally the cure
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize