We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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