Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
