I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
