Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
