FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
