Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
