He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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