At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
