Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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