someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
