I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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