I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize