Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is my gift to your gina
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
