I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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