I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My liver just had a heart attack.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
