Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
