Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
