Your dad touched me again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
