remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
